#7. Niall the Nihilist

(Year is 2018...1 year after the Personal Apocalypse)

On the surface, Niall appeared to be an average kind of guy. Arguably, this is what made the Incident all the more remarkable, as average people usually don’t impact the lives of the people around them. Why? Well, because they are average. Such people do average things; live average lives; have average jobs; average relationships; and they say average things – commentary on the weather being a prime example. What they don’t tend to do, is play a central role in an event that had the potential to massacre hundreds of people. An event like the Incident.

However, to be fair to average people all over the world, there was a little more to Niall’s nature than what appeared on first inspection. You see, there was one thing about Niall that marred his otherwise blandness. One thing that lay beneath the surface that made him very much unaverage and even abnormal. It was this abnormal quality that nearly caused something truly memorable to occur, though it would’ve been an horrific memory for all involved.

However, before we discuss Niall’s abnormality, as well as the aforementioned Incident, let’s first look at how he unintentionally became the epitome of averageness. In physical terms, Niall was never described as tall, being a good bit under that holy male grail of six feet, yet also nowhere near the dreaded four feet ten inches that officially confirmed the title of dwarfism unto a person. Instead, Niall was in the five feet eight, five-ninish region, and had been this way ever since growth had stopped at the age of sixteen. So, a bang average height.

His weight was also average. He was never obese, yet calling him thin would also have not rang true. In fact, he once Googled what the correct weight was for a lad his height, just out of curiosity, but, alas, the mighty Google quickly confirmed his unwavering averageness down to the very pound.

Niall’s fitness levels were similar to his height, being that he never reached the peak levels that society deems to be uber attractive, but he also never dropped to what that same society viewed as being undesirable. For example, he never had a six pack, bulging biceps, or popping pecs, but he also never had a beer belly or visibly protruding ribs. He did indeed have a certain level of fitness, but not a level that elicited envious looks nor sniggering laughter.

This average physique was firmly cemented by an average face. Sure, Niall wasn’t attractive enough to warrant a second admiring glance, but people also wouldn’t visibly flinch when they saw him. Rather, Niall’s face was the kind that your eyes would pass over; your brain would register it for a brief second; and then it would be forgotten. Ultimately, it was the kind of face that would disappear into a crowd. If truth be told, a crowd wouldn’t even be needed, two or three other faces would probably be enough.

When it came to intellect, Niall wasn’t a moron, but he also wasn’t a genius. He never failed exams in school, yet he also never endangered the higher scores. The C+ Grade was where Niall lived during his academic years. Every now and again he might rise to a B, or perhaps drop to a D, but, on average, C+ was Niall’s go-to score. When interviewed by local police after the Incident, his teachers described him in such glowing terms as a “good student”, or the much sought-after accolade of being “a decent lad”. Of course, there were several of his teachers who needed first to be shown a picture of Niall to jog their memories. Some were still adamant that they’d never taught him. Such things tend to happen to average faces.

In his short stint in the professional sphere of life, Niall was judged by employers and peers alike as being capable, but not to the point where any real career progression was expected. Such people described Niall as “reliable”, though the odd sick day or botched assignment did prevent them from stretching this to such stalwart terms like “irreplaceable”. In terms of office socializing, Niall’s co-workers never had any issues of contention with him, but they also didn’t consider him a friend. It was more of a “good morning”, “nice weather out today, isn’t it?” kind of thing. So, the average workplace dynamic then.

When it came to his personal life, Niall did indeed have friends whom he talked to on a regular basis. These friends liked Niall well enough, though none of them would ever bestow that all important BFF title to their relationship with Niall. Sure, they enjoyed seeing him, but Niall just wasn’t the person who sprang to mind when plans were being made. Rather, he was the guy that was asked to join in only when the real BFF had already agreed to the forthcoming plan.

When it came to conversing, no profound utterings would be likely from Niall, but his friends also wouldn’t expect idiotic advice to be spewed forth. Instead, average platitudes and opinions would be the norm – usually stuff that Niall’s friends had already heard. Ultimately, Niall was the kind of friend who could be relied upon to turn up to social gatherings, but to not really add anything of worth to proceedings. He’d simply be there, taking up space, omitting socially acceptable pieces of conversation every now and again.

So, as you can see, in the big areas of life, Niall had managed to hit that sweet spot of pure averageness. Yes, he had done so completely unintentionally, but nonetheless quite successfully. In fact, it’s impressive how consistently average he had become. Most people manage to either excel or become woefully inept in at least one area in life. To constantly hit that mark of averageness; to be neither ying nor yang; neither glass half full nor half empty; was truly remarkable.

However, as mentioned before, this remarkably average nature was a bit of a misnomer. There was something hiding behind this bland shield. Something that could never be described as average or indeed normal. This one thing took a while to emerge in Niall’s character, probably because he spent so many years supressing it. Even when he did eventually acknowledge it, another large chunk of time was devoted to keeping it a secret, which of course is just another form of suppression. Even though Niall hid this abnormality in his day-to-day life, it was still ever present, gradually shaping Niall’s character.

The reason this thing, this abnormal character trait, was so massive in terms of Niall’s sense of being was because it revolved around how he viewed the world. You see, in the deepest depths of his heart and soul, Niall was an out and out nihilist. He detested literally everything. And everyone. There was nothing in life that Niall did not have a varying level of dislike for. Whether it be mild disgust, or jaw clenching hatred, there was virtually nothing that didn’t inspire some sort of negative reaction. Only occurrences of a destructive nature could evoke a positive reaction inside Niall, though this was because the destruction usually involved something he hated. Seeing some roadkill, or perhaps hearing of a plane crash, that kind of thing. These horrible events served as short interludes in Niall’s otherwise perpetual feeling of contempt for everything he saw.

Now, at first, Niall didn’t understand where this ultra-negative nature came from. It had always been present. Ever since he could grasp the concepts of like and dislike, his perception had inevitably drifted towards the latter. And, as he got older, more and more things would spark his dislike and ignite his hatred. It got to the point where Niall could only get through his days by adopting the approach that is sadly ubiquitous in the modern world – wakeup; turn on the auto-pilot function of the brain; sleepwalk through the workday; and then immerse oneself in escapism so that the big questions in life could be avoided and ignored.

Niall’s problem was that he actively hated the forms of escapism that normal people use to nullify their own brains. Things like reading, Netflix, sports, or lovers. So, instead, Niall would wake up, turn on the auto-pilot function, and leave it on until the time came to get back into bed. In retrospect, this non-stop auto-piloting probably contributed a great deal to his façade of averageness.

This was how Niall’s life proceeded for the first two and a half decades. When he reached twenty-five, something happened that occurs commonly with people who live average lives – they decide they want more. Again though, Niall experienced a strange problem. Most people, when they reach this point in their lives, arrive at a logical course of action – they home in on that singular thing that makes them feel good; that thing they are above average at; and they dedicate themselves to this thing in an attempt to become something more. To become more than average. Some succeed, most fail.

The problem the Niall had was, because he hated everything, he didn’t really have that singular thing to focus on. Or, at least, in the beginning that’s what he believed. However, after doing a bit of soul searching, Niall realized there was in fact one thing that he genuinely loved doing. One thing that brought him a sick type of joy. That thing was hating. Niall loved to hate, even if it was a twisted, contempt laced love. He was truly passionate about hating everyone and everything that he came across. So, he jumped into this hate.

To begin with, he began researching ideologies to better understand his state of mind. He soon became convinced that he was a misanthropist. He definitely hated people, and everything that people created, so those boxes were ticked. However, as he read more, he discovered that misanthropy didn’t quite fit. You see, Niall’s contempt didn’t just end with humanity. It was more comprehensive than this. He hated the birds; the animals; the trees; the sky; the ocean. Everything and anything that Niall gave serious consideration to resulted in him utterly hating it.

In fact, as an experiment, he started creating lists of things he hated, rating them as he went. He used a rating system of 1 – 10; 1 being that something irritated him, with 10 being that he actively wanted to see the thing in question annihilated. This list taking was a hobby that Niall actually became proud of. He’d often read over his lists, making adjustments if his level of hatred for any given thing had increased or declined. It was usually the former. These were fun times for Niall.

Having ruled out misanthropy and a few other equally depressing ideologies, Niall was on the verge of giving up. This was until he came across the term nihilism. It was at this point of a random Google search that all the jigsaw pieces snapped into place in Niall’s mind. Everything became clear. Finally, Niall understood why he hated everyone and everything. The answer was surprisingly simple – everyone and everything were all so utterly pointless. The very idea of existence itself was in fact moronic. The more he read about nihilism and mulled things over in his head, the more certain he became. Life, in general, was absurdly ridiculous and without merit; simply a repetitive cycle of meaningless experiences and happenings that were ultimately oh so very empty.

Now that he finally understood his place in the world, Niall’s next problem instantly emerged – what should he with his new-found ideology? He soon realized that he couldn’t go back to the day-to-day grind that had been his life to date. At first, he tried to do just this, engaging in the daily routine he hated so much, but his unearthed nihilistic nature had obliterated the auto-pilot function in his brain. A door had been opened, one that would never again be closed. Before, he had understood he hated everything, but, regardless, had been able to go about life without giving this hatred any kind of attention. The difference was that not only did he hate everything, he now fervently believed everything deserved to be hated. This inner loathing becoming impossible to ignore. It demanded attention. It screamed at Niall to be fully released and refused to be crammed behind a façade of fake smiles and vacant looks. It yearned for nihilistic destruction.

Therefore, Niall had a dilemma. At this point, he was completely committed to his nihilistic views and understood he’d never again be a normal member of society. What was he to do then? Back to Google. A quick search of “nihilistic careers” really didn’t help, so Niall turned to an avenue that is always welcoming to disaffected, unhappy individuals – online message boards. Using the name NihilistNiall92 (NialltheNihilist92 was taken apparently), Niall set about scouring online forums for the answer to that all-important question – what should he do with his life?

Now, as stated before, Niall wasn’t a moron. He kind of knew at an early stage where the road he was on would lead. He was a nihilist. He hated everything. He believed nothing mattered. He wanted to destroy life. This is a solid checklist of things needed for someone to then do something awful.

Despite Niall knowing this, it took him meeting a likeminded soul before he could level up in his nihilism. He encountered this individual on an aforementioned online forum – a website with the rather catchy URL of nihilitetheworld.com. Despite the blatantly nihilist ideology displayed on this website, Niall was disgusted by most people he interacted with on the forums, eventually blocking most of them. In his expert opinion, these people weren’t real nihilists, but rather losers who were unhappy at being losers and were looking for somewhere to vent about their loser lives. Niall knew that such people would instantly turn away from nihilism if their luck happened to take an upturn in the real world.

Niall had been disillusioned to the brink of quitting the site, when he’d come across a user who had given him hope. This user – Hoodrix13 – had caught Niall’s eye because they’d often post lists of things they hated, much the same as Niall’s lists. He often commented on the posts, and also began posting his own lists.

A question posted on nihiliatetheworld.com by Hoodrix13 is ultimately what changed Niall’s life and brought about the Incident. The question was:

What are your top ten reasons for wishing the world to burn?

Coincidentally, Niall had recently added a comparable piece to his ever-growing nihilist inspired list collection, though his had been a list of reasons for wanting the world to blow up, not burn. Also, he’d gone with 50 top reasons instead of 10.

So, genuinely intrigued by the challenge of narrowing down his top 10, and wanting to impress this Hoodrix13 person, Niall gave this topic serious thought before replying to the query. It took him several days until he was finally happy with his selection. While he internally debated his choices, he sneered at and trolled other people’s responses to the query, as one does when online. Eventually, Niall posted his own top ten on Hoodrix13’s thread, and then put it out of his mind, until, that is, Hoodrix13 directly messaged him with another simple question.

What would you do to ensure that the world did burn?

This one question had a dramatic effect on Niall. It caused a curtain to be drawn in his mind. Up to that point, he had been so focused on his hate and discovering the origin of it, he’d yet to really consider what to actually do with this constant loathing. He soon realized the answer, and, once again, it was remarkably simple.

I would do anything.

The reply was instantaneous.

Here is your chance.

—————

“Hmmm. Safe to say that our friend Niall is on a rather worrying life trajectory. And the introduction of this Hoodrix character certainly doesn’t appear to be helping things. The question now is…how do they plan on making the world burn?! And what is the ‘Incident’? Click below and all shall be revealed!”

- Aj